Chrissy Teigen opened up about her recent miscarriage in a blog post on Tuesday, describing her emotions in detail and thanking friends, family and fans for their support.
In the early hours of Oct. 1, Teigen shared on social media that she had lost her unborn baby due to pregnancy complications. Mothers around the world lauded her post for helping to normalize pregnancy complications — a difficult topic for many women to talk about, despite the fact that the American Pregnancy Association reports that 10% to 25% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage.
On Tuesday, Teigen shared more of her experience in a blog post on Medium, titled "Hi."
Teigen opened by thanking those who wrote to her following the loss of her child, which she and husband John Legend named Jack.
"After we first lost Jack, I found myself incredibly worried that I wasn't able to thank everyone for their extreme kindness," Teigen wrote. "Many shared incredible personal experiences, some shared books and poems. I wanted to thank everyone, share our story with each individual person. But I knew I was in no state to. For me, the 'no need to respond' note was such a true relief. I thank you for each and every one of those."
She also went into detail about the complications that led to her miscarriage. Teigen said doctors had diagnosed her with a "partial placenta abruption" that led to severe bleeding. She added that she had had "placenta problems" with her two previous pregnancies but had never been diagnosed with an abruption.
Teigen also got frank about the side effects of her condition, which included heavy bleeding that required her to wear "adult diapers."
"I actually became an adult diaper expert for my own personal entertainment, truly appreciating the brands that went out of their way to not make me feel like an actual (expletive) baby," Teigen wrote. "Some were blush colored, with drawn delicate flowers. I got to the point where I was actually like, "hell yeah, throw me the pink ones!" — something I never thought I'd be excited for. But there we were."
Teigen also said that when she was rushed to the hospital, she felt it was important that the moment be documented — and said she had no regrets about sharing those photos on social media.
"I had asked my mom and John to take pictures, no matter how uncomfortable it was. I explained to a very hesitant John that I needed them, and that I did NOT want to have to ever ask. That he just had to do it. He hated it. I could tell. It didn't make sense to him at the time. But I knew I needed to know of this moment forever, the same way I needed to remember us kissing at the end of the aisle, the same way I needed to remember our tears of joy after Luna and Miles. And I absolutely knew I needed to share this story."
"I cannot express how little I care that you hate the photos. How little I care that it's something you wouldn't have done. I lived it, I chose to do it, and more than anything, these photos aren't for anyone but the people who have lived this or are curious enough to wonder what something like this is like. These photos are only for the people who need them. The thoughts of others do not matter to me."
Teigen also shared her feelings of grief and how those feelings have changed her perspective.
"People say an experience like this creates a hole in your heart. A hole was certainly made, but it was filled with the love of something I loved so much. It doesn't feel empty, this space. It feels full," she wrote. "Maybe *too* bursting full, actually. I find myself randomly crying, thinking about how happy I am to have two insanely wonderful little toddlers who fill this house with love. I smother them with love while they "Moooooooom!!!!!" me. I don't care."
She closed her post by again thanking everyone who sent her well-wishes and offering a final tribute to her unborn child.
"I wrote this because I knew for me I needed to say something before I could move on from this and return back to life, so I truly thank you for allowing me to do so. Jack will always be loved, explained to our kids as existing in the wind and trees and the butterflies they see. Thank you so much to every single person who has had us in their thoughts or gone as far as to send us your love and stories. We are so incredibly lucky.