Okay, it's week five on "Dancing with the Stars." Can we please get rid of the least talented and least entertaining stars by now? Good news: the lowest-scoring stars did indeed wind up as the bottom three.
But before the elimination, we get a futuristic disco opening. Starting like "Tron" in a hallway of lights, it quickly turns into Sci-Fi Du Soleil. Pretty neat.
First results. Country singer Kellie Pickler and Derek are safe. Soap star Ingo Rademacher and Kym are in jeopardy.
This week was "Len's Side By Side Challenge," in which the competing couples did the same dance with a pro couple. In behind-the-scenes footage, we learn "Bachelor" Sean Lowe seems to have a real bromance brewing with his pro Tristan. Sean suggests they just dance together: "I don't mind being the woman." His fiancée Catherine might. Unless she's into that.
For the encore, judge Len Goodman picks NFL star Jacoby Jones and Karina for their jive with their pros, Maks and Anna. Jacoby does the splits twice in this thing. Ouch.
Since it's Time Filler Tuesday, we get more behind the scenes footage, with judges Bruno Tonioli and Carrie Ann Inaba making fun of Len. This stuff just keeps getting weirder.
More results. Disney star Zendaya and Val are safe. She tweeted, "thanks to everyone who voted to keep me and @iamValC in this thing! gonna keep workin' hard! #beastmode #thankful #TeamZendaya # TeamValDaya ."
Then MORE behind the scenes video. We see the Chmerkovskiy brothers acting like goofy siblings on some Disney show (no offense, Zendaya). Boxer Victor Ortiz and Lindsay are in jeopardy.
Performance time with The Band Perry doing their country fusion thing.
The show gives us a taped segment with Len called "A Pep Talk." There's twinkly music playing and Len in soft focus, talking about a "magical place" and "dare to be a cup of tea" and "we're all full of rhythm." Huh? Did Wes Anderson direct this? It looks like "The Royal Lenenbaums." (See what I did there?)
More results – thank God. Jacoby and Karina are safe, as are Olympian Aly Raisman and Mark.
It's here we learn what's up for next week: A team dance with this week's two highest-scoring stars – Kellie and Zendaya – as team captains, but they don't know which team they will be yet. They pick after the show. The choices are Team Paso dancing to Stevie Wonder's "Higher Ground" and Team Samba dancing to "Superstition."
Host Brooke Burke asks actor Andy Dick which team he'd rather be on. He says Kellie, so they could call it "Team Pickler Dick." Everyone laughs; Brooke is horrified. Mission accomplished.
Yet another performance – the Macy's Stars of Dance one – with Estonian singer Kerli not only singing her song "Love Me or Leave Me" but playing piano with two dancers actually dancing on the piano. Oh, and it's spinning on a large circular stage. Can you say precarious?
After that performance, we get – another performance. Selena Gomez writhing around a huge glowing hockey puck while wearing a purple Hindi outfit. Her lipsynch to "Come and Get It" could not sound more recorded.
Results! Well… after more behind the scenes video, this time showing Sean and Tristan as they hug and congratulate each other for their dance Monday night, while Peta stands in the background looking like an uncomfortable third wheel. Oh, it's gonna be a cold marriage, Catherine. Back to live TV again and we learn both Sean and Andy are safe. Looks like we may get to see Team Pickler Dick after all.
Now the final results – finally. It's revealed that Ingo is safe. So it's down to Victor and D.L., the perennially lowest scorers. Well, the joke's over, D.L. He did not get enough viewer votes and is leaving. When they ask him what he'll miss, he says, "Just Cheryl!" Ha!
D.L. was a charming underdog who got enough fan support for the first few weeks to get by on his stiff dancing, but it is probably for the best he left this week, so the stars with more promise can try to dance their way into the finals.
So, that's Team Paso, huh. That means Team Samba will be Kellie, Aly, Sean, and Andy. Team Pickler Dick is a go!
The competition returns Monday night at 7 on ABC, featuring those team dances to live performances by Stevie Wonder.
More information can be found at: http://abc.go.com/primetime/dancingwiththestars/index .