A communication specialist discusses ways for working moms to be successful.
[Working Moms] Create Vs. React to Succeed
By Josselyne Herman Saccio
1) PAINT A PICTURE
"Paint a Picture of the Life You Want - Create a picture of what you want your life to look like, then ask yourself what actions, thoughts and even words would contribute to that future unfolding. Ask yourself, "What is the area of life you want to create something new in? Or, you might ask yourself, "Where are you reacting versus creating?"
(Joss will bring up a personal example for herself: Spending enough quality time with her family.)
2) DISTINGUISH YOUR INTERPRETATION
Distinguish what happens in your life from your interpretation of the events. It's crucial to learn to separate things that happen from your emotional reactions and what you say about them. The feelings you have about X event and the story you tell about it are not the only interpretation a person could have, nor are they set in stone or even the truth! Once you start to notice that you're adding an interpretation, you can see it unraveling from what actually happened.
(Example: Joss will use her own family life to illustrate. She reflected about what is actually happening around dinner time now. She realized it was once a week. Her interpretation about having dinner with her family once a week was, "I'm a bad parent - and - I'm overwhelmed - and - I'm too busy to have it all work. Then she got clear that those statements weren't the truth but rather one possible interpretation or view. Once she distinguished that, she had a range of possible interpretations and thus solutions available. For example, she reflected on the picture she wanted to paint: regular dinners with her family and then reflected on how she could create regular dinners with her family despite her busy schedule. Distinguishing your current view as simply one of many possible views gets you in a creative mode automatically. Many of us think we have to simply deal with how life is, but in seminars at Landmark we coach people to discover and then fulfill on what people really want in life.)
3) PRACTICE NEW WAYS
Practice New Ways of Being and Acting - For Joss, this meant practicing being in the moment and fulfilled at the family dinner table, versus thinking about everything else she had going on in her life. She also practices turning "complaints" into "requests" - that is, being willing to enlist the help of a supportive team, whether at home or work, rather than griping when things get tough. In fact, she creates a game with her family to have regular dinners together -- to see how many fun ones they can create together. She might have her son set the table, her daughter prep ingredients and her husband chooses menu. They all cook. Her family is in partnership, playing together and enjoying each other. She shifts her reaction of being overwhelmed and unsupported to being available, loving and playful. It's a simply shift from complaining about something to making requests. Turning complaints into requests creates teamwork and partnership.
Remember, HAVING IT ALL doesn't mean DOING IT ALL!
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