Tips for having a secure relationship

With Valentine's Day around the corner, it might be time to take a good look at your relationships to see if they can use a little improvement. 

One common problem in relationships is that one person may not feel very secure. 

Dr. David Sbarra, a Professor at the University of Arizona, and contributor to www.youbeauty.com, has some helpful advice that will help us change some of our negative patterns.

The first thing that needs to be done, says Sbarra, is that you need to identify your negative patterns and learn to fake it till you make it.

According to Dr. Sbarra,  “becoming more secure” will be as easy as simply deciding to do so.

On one hand, the idea you can change your relationship behaviors by simply deciding to do so is patently false. 

On the other hand, movement in the direction of security begins the decision to change, then hinges on the willingness to practice this changed behavior over-and-over again, just like we do when we start an exercise regimen, learn a new language, or try to be healthier in our food choices.

Dr. Sbarra says that once we start acting more secure it will soon become part of who we are. Stated more scientifically, we change our “working models” of relationships by changing our behavior in relationships.

"Movement in the direction of security begins the decision to change, then hinges on the willingness to practice this changed behavior over-and-over again, just like we do when we start an exercise regimen, learn a new language, or try to be healthier in our food choices," says Sbarra.