Let’s take a trip down memory lane, but get ready because this could be a very bumpy ride.
If you have a pulse, you likely remember your first kiss, when butterflies overwhelmed your entire body and you were swept off of your feet. Ladies and gentlemen, we’re talking about the first time you fell in love.
Now let’s hit the gas pedal and fast forward a bit. It’s more than likely been a few weeks, months or years and your relationship has come to a screeching halt. You’ve taken all those blissful memories and tucked them far, far away. Is it possible to ever completely move on from your first love? Or, will you forever be bogged down with the emotions that immediately followed that break up?
America’s Number 1 Pick Up Artist, Adam Lyons , says it all depends on the way you look at it. If you are an optimist you will be able to pick up the pieces, take the most important lessons you learned from the relationship and jump back into the world of dating. If you are someone who tends to dwell on the past, it could be a long, dark road to recovery.
Lyons teaches men how to get women to fall for them and is well known in the UK and the U.S. for “pickup artistry.” Pickup artists are men who study the art of hooking up with women. They are usually smooth talkers and are known to use a plethora of pick-up lines. He says there are a few hard and fast rules when it comes to moving on from your first love or frankly anyone you have fallen in and out of love with.
“You need to completely cut off all communication, period.” It sounds a little harsh, but Lyons says you will be thankful in the long run. “You need to have a clean break,” Lyons says. “Dragging it out will just hurt in the end.”
At this point you probably feel like you are losing your best friend, your significant other and your lover all at once. But, Lyons says, “You cannot be friends with your ex while attempting to get over one another. It doesn’t work and it’s not healthy.”
Author and relationship expert Mike Lindstrom completely agrees. He says, plain and simple, “You just need to get over it!”
“Don’t throw yourself a pity party,” Lindstrom says. “The reality is there is someone else out there who is a better match for you and wouldn’t you rather know now, than 10 years down the road?”
Lyons says another way to get yourself off the heart break train and back into the real world is to change your ex’s name in your phone. “Don’t delete their number because if they call, you won’t know who the number belongs to and will most likely answer. But, talking to them won’t help the healing process.”
Instead, Lyons suggests saving their number under a nickname like; “Cheating Swine” or “I’m Stronger Than That”, this way if they call, you will remember to distance yourself and hit the ignore button.
Valley resident, Michaela Ford, has just celebrated her third year of marriage. While blushing, she is eager to tell anyone who will listen how madly in love she is with her husband and how she couldn’t picture her life with out him. But she’s also quick to admit that a few years ago, it was a different story and she clearly recalls the first time she fell in love and how difficult it was to move on when the relationship fizzled.
“You have to remind yourself that gone are the days that you have brought the best out in each other,” she says. “It’s devastating, but time is a very beautiful thing.”
Another helpful trick is not to reminisce on the good times, but to remind yourself why you broke up in the first place. Were the two of you heading down different paths? Did you get caught up in your life and forget to include them? Were you not communicating? Did you become too comfortable? Whatever the reason; there was a reason for the split! Hold on to that and don’t get stuck traveling down the road of “what ifs.”
Both experts say the broken hearted should also schedule some serious alone time. This gives you the opportunity to reflect and improve areas in your own life that may have been neglected while you were tied down. It could be something as simple as sporting a new hairdo or starting a new hobby, but the worst thing you can do is spend your time grieving.
“They aren’t dead so you don’t need to sit in your room and cry about it for hours on end,” Lyons says.
“You need to just put yourself out there,” Lindstrom adds. “One of the exercises I have my clients do is walk up to one [attractive] stranger everyday for two weeks; say hello and hand them a business card.” By the end of those 14 days Lindstrom says you will have a handful of new friends and some of them may even be date-worthy!
While the whole transformation process can be a distressing experience that forces you outside your comfort zone, both experts say don’t seclude yourself and try to switch up your daily routine.
“If the two of you used to go home after work and watch your favorite TV shows together, don’t continue the ritual alone,” Lindstrom says. “This will only remind you of your ex and you could start