You've probably heard it said there are five stages of grief. Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance.
Randy Murphy knows them well, he says. He's lived them a thousand times since that day. Over and over again.
Last week I went to the Murphy family home in Cave Creek and asked him to live that day for me, and our viewers, one more time.
Murphy told me about the morning of July 13th, the day he discovered his son David, blue and cold to the touch in his bed. Moments before he appeared to be sleeping peacefully, but the sixteen year-old had charted a deadly path for himself hours before, ingesting oxycontin, percocet and xanax on top of a couple of beers in what would prove to be a fatal combination.
Randy Murphy's voice quaked as he told me he still drives around the community, looking for his son... his denial. He told me he couldn't believe kids could be so careless, so ignorant of the dangers... his anger. He was determined to make a difference, determined to talk to other parents and teens... his bargaining. His every word seemed to evoke an overwhelming sadness... his depression.
I suspect acceptance will be found at the end of a very long journey for Randy Murphy. And I suspect it's a journey he won't take alone.
By telling his story to us, Randy Murphy also touched thousands of others. Thousands watched the story on Sunday night. Thousands more read his story online. Other grieving parents asked me to pass along their e-mail addresses to the Murphy family. Some people simply extended their sympathy and prayers. And there were even a few parents who said they were scared... that what happened to Randy Murphy's son could also happen to their child.
Murphy's goal, of course, is the make sure no other parent ever has to bury their child. He wants to channel all of the stages into direction. He wants to turn denial into realization, anger into love, bargaining to action, depression to hope. And through it all find acceptance.
He wants to do this because the alternative is a kind of pain which shuts people down. It cuts people off, and puts them away. And sometimes they never find their way. Sometimes anger, or depression or denial is all they ever know.
I hope Randy Murphy has a chance to read the words of total strangers and to understand how many people have heard his story. How many people truly understand his grief in all its stages. And how many people are willing to reach out and help him find his way back.
