 Click the play button on the video window to the right to see the story
PHOENIX -- Makenna Folkert believes there’s nothing wrong with using the Internet to find love.
“I think its kind of like a new way to date and people can get to know each other pretty well," Folkert said.
Some people say it's a way to date without wasting time.
Shelby Guevera approached the topic of online dating with a bit more caution.
“I think its okay but, you know, like the safety issue, sometimes it's not safe.” Lea Haben, a dating coach, would agree. “Online dating is a great tool but unfortunately, there are people that will use it to take advantage of unsuspecting women," Haben says. "Especially somebody who say has been married for a long time and suddenly finds themselves single and doesn't know how to navigate in the single world.”
Haben explained how women should research the person they’re thinking about dating.
The problem is someone could be deceiving you with the intent, or potential, to harm you.
“Its not face to face, says Guevera. "A lot more women, people, would believe what they are saying because they don't really know who they are talking to.”
That is precisely why Haben advises women to investigate who they plan on meeting so they can find out exactly who they are talking to.
“Notice the profile,” she said. “If it's very vague or you don't get a good sense, ask for more information.”
That would include the person’s last name and a phone number.
If they don’t want to share that information with you Haben said, “then don't go out with him, if they're not willing to be forthright … you don't want to meet this guy anyway.”
Now armed with the person’s last name, use the Internet to track down any public documents that might exist.
Start with a Google search and then check out the Sex Offender Registry.
You can even see if the person’s name pops up on any court records so you can find out whether this person has been married before or, “if they have a criminal record.”
Before you decide to see your potential partner in person, Haben said it might be a good idea to, “instant message a little bit, do a couple of phone conversations before you meet somebody.”
She said those techniques will help you get a feel for the person.
You probably already know to trust your gut.
Speaking with him, or herm, on the phone a few times will help you gauge if he or she is really someone you would like to meet in person.
“Make sure that when you meet them, meet at a public place. I always say a coffee date or some place in daylight for the first date,” according to Haben.
Then Haben said to tell three friends exactly where you are and who you are with.
If this all seems overly cautious consider that Haben has had clients who have, "experienced full-on date rape and I've had clients that have come very, very close to date rape."
"There are dangers, there are people who prey on women especially, Haben says. "And there are some precautions that you have to take before you go online.”
Haben also recommended that women carry pepper spray in their purse and she believes her safety message is more important than ever because an increasing number of people are turning to the Internet in these troubling times.
In part she thinks that is because when the economy is uncertain people seek lasting relationships; but of course money is also a factor.
“It's up about anywhere from 20 percent to 30 percent right now because of the economy," Haben says. "People don't have the extra money to go to happy hours, to spend the money on dining.”
Folkert agreed, “I kinda do that because you don't have to go out, spend money, gas, food, it's expensive.”
When asked why she’d never consider online dating Guevera said it’s an issue with trust.
“People are creepy,” she said with a laugh. “You have to be careful who's out there, there's crazy people out there.”
|
